My reflections.. of the past and future..

I am feeling rather edgy these days, knowing that I would be facing rather extraordinary changes in the months to come. I can already feel the emotions of the changes running through my head. The confusion that comes with the changes and the challenges that come with them. I just hope that things may soon fall into place as soon as possible. Going into the unknown can be really really scary. An series of events in my life has been changing the way I am perceiving things. I am doing ridiculous things at extraordinary lengths to get just a single inch of hope that the tide will turn in my favour. Be it me being foolish or lunatic in nature, I find it surprisingly fun to do. Adds to the spice of life I guess..

I just wrote out a reflection on the events in my life for the past 9 months. I was wondering whether I should be even putting up the contents here because half of my audience would not even understand the content in it. But I guess I can leave it in the archive for myself to reflect upon in time to come. Yes ladies.. It is about my life in the army. So here goes...

In Retrospection
The time of the month is here again where I would have to write another reflection. This time the theme of the reflection is to wrap up the loose ends of everything that I had experienced in OCS. I would like to make his reflection a light hearted one to entertain myself when I read it as a 2LT (On the condition that I commission..).

Somewhere in the back of my mind, there is a part of my memory that throws me back in time to the first day I was in OCS. Honestly, being the most junior wing of the wings in OCS must have been the most pathetic experience I have ever had in my entire life. Being the most junior in terms of military knowledge did not do anyone good especially in OCS since we were still so green to the military (pun not intended). The transition of earning the right to wear the white OCS polo-T and black shorts after the CLM phase was a talking point among the Hotel Wing cadets as it was very good change from the ridiculous excuse of the a T-shirt that we had to wear during the Common Leadership Module (CLM) phase. CLM was just a nightmare in most cases, especially when my first weeks encompassed days of late nights without free time and the “promise” of late night turn outs every other day. Getting the lanyard off the uniform was a huge welcome to our image as newly transitioned service term cadets. However, it was a welcome to the term “extras” as well.

Service term was nevertheless tiring to say the least but it was the period I learnt a lot about myself as a leader, friend and colleague to my other wing mates. I took up appointment after appointment; cadet platoon sergeant to cadet wing commander in close succession not knowing myself how belligerent and ignorant I was to the team dynamics in my platoon. I didn't lose my personal focus at all during this phase, but I guess I did manage to lose certain friends. It was a difficult balance to try to make sure things get done while making sure everyone was pleased. It was a challenge and I guess certain factors had to be sacrificed. This was also the term that I learnt a lot about being a soldier. BMT had only scraped only a tip of the soldier's iceberg . The level of information being pounded into the brains of a lowly cadet must have knocked us out most of the time we are in lectureswhen I oserved the majority of us succumbing to the “Z” monster. Learning to handle one weapon in BMT to five in OCS was no easy feat. Handling them without getting an Negligible Discharge (ND) is a godsend considering the number of ND cases we have in the wing. Though it may sound sexually offensive, it is not but a serious offence. From section field camp to platoon field camp, we learnt various soldiering tactics and soldiering skills that would come as a miracle for BMT sergeants to teach to recruits. I ended off service term successfully as a Exercise PC in my platoon live firing, confident of moving on to pro-term to learn more about myself. Service term. Yes. It was stressful in every sense of the word and in every situation I found myself in. With “manifestations of behemoths” (i.e. Hotel Wing instructors) breathing down my neck every day, it was never easy to live peacefully without knowing that a mistake will not be “rewarded” with a certain number of extras. Extras to me are just reasons for me to justify the amount of money I am earning as a cadet, never as a punishment at all. I think it is this type of positive thinking that really kept me going in OCS. For friends I know, extras look to be the end of the world when summoned upon them. At least getting the extras taught me not lose anything during my operations anymore. Nonetheless, I passed through the phase, knowing myself that I had done well and pursuing the dream of leading a set of 27 men.
Professional term soon ensued with many expectations on myself. With the JCC badge on the line and multitude of badges we were to earn, I guess it really puts a bit of pressure to earn them all. Pro-term was interesting to start with as they were many changes that happened during this period that I guess it bothers many. Charlie actually closed down to have their cadets amalgamated with Hotel due to a series of unknown events that happened. Upon the next few weeks, both sides of the court provided a rousing display of verbal arguments as to which wing could be better when it came to administration in the wing. I had my hands tied in many a discussion on who's SOP was better when it came to OPs orders. There was almost a mini-revolution of cadets waiting to overthrow the ruling appointment holders if things went out of their way. Seeing these changes allowed myself to see, how resistant people can be to change. It is crazy how much people can pick on a certain subject, unwilling to adapt to the change that is actually apparent in their context. From this simple but yet true experience, it has somehow illustrated to me how I should welcome change because it is true how change is the only constant in a country like Singapore.

My experience as an RCP cadet must have been the most enduring experiences I had as an officer cadet. Not only was it humiliating, it was degrading it all sense of the word. It was bad enough that we had to march up and down to HQ, it was worse when i didn't get the chance to go to TPSU FOC. Confinement is a big deal especially to me. It was saddening yet, it taught me some lessons.

Going through JCC must have been one of the most trying experiences in my life. I could not fathom how I went through such a challenging course of 9 days without so much as 1 proper meal a day. Though water was abundant during the course, it was not really as welcomed when it came from the skies. It was mind over matter in many occasions in the course. Even nibbling on plants became apparently relieving knowing that I had only a pack of food left for 2 more days. I still remember occasions where my mind would be constantly on my loved ones back home while asking myself questions about the countless times I took everything back at home for granted. It was torturous mentally and physically that by the end of the course I ended up losing 11 kilos. Fortunately, all that suffering did not end in vain, having earned the coveted JCC badge. It was a time I knew that I would not forget, for it shook me emotionally, mentally and physically. It was a period where I realised for myself, the inner me that was selfish inside, that had to be overcome if my group were to pass the course. I set that experience as a benchmark, that if any other exercise were not tougher than the JCC, it is not that tough after all.

Taiwan became the talking point soon after when the JCC hype died down. Everyone, including myself, was looking forward to the day we fly off to Taiwan. So many stories from our friends and seniors that I knew we had to experience for ourselves. True enough, training was as tough as we would imagine. But never would I imagine being in 38 degree summer temperatures that was even hotter than in Singapore. Preparations for the exercises was just as intense as the exercises themselves I guess. Some of wing mates I believe would still be having nightmares from the overwhelming numbers of target boards that we had to prepare for the live firing exercises. It was bewildering, the number of rubber bands that had to be prepared just for the target boards. I must have prepared over a hundred I guess. Overall, I think I could have still pulled out lessons from Taiwan training stint as an appointment holder for the platoon battle course. I had the chance to gain an insight into using terrain to effectively deploy my men in the fighting scenarios. I realised I was given a once in a lifetime chance to do this, and yes I did learn a lot from the experience. The Taiwan terrain in the countryside was magnificent and in any case, breathtaking. Honestly, I had little of an impression of Taiwan until I landed on its sunny shores. I appreciated the charm and warmth that its beautiful surroundings as well as the people brought to Hotel Wing. I enjoyed myself thoroughly there. Taiwan would not be something that I would want my grandchildren to miss at all.

Nearing commissioning, I must add that it is an irony just watching the junior cadets going through their daily activities in the institution that I have called home for the past 7 and a half months. They are going through exactly the same fears, doubts, sorrows as well as the happiness that as we cadets commonly share. I have always felt that as a school appointment holder that I do my part to the school to educate the younger or inexperienced cadets on anything and everything OCS. Commissioning gives me a sense of anticipation for the thing I dreamt of for months; Being able to lead my own set of men. Though I understand that it may be a great responsibility to undertake for someone of my age, I feel more driven to take up the role of an officer. I looked at going to OCS for my parents, when I was initially in OCS, but I can safely say that I really hope that future generations of children can continue to study and play safely and without fear through the power within me to train soldiers that can protect the nation. Seems noble in to many but to me I feel a duty to serve the nation as best I can while I can.
I look back knowing that I have achieved quite a lot in OCS in more ways than one. I am glad that I took positivity in the things I do everyday in OCS when it was tough to do so. As my cadet to commander transition would ensue, I hope that the things I learn in OCS would not end in vain. As I earn the bar, with mind and body I will transition to the officer that I will always strive to be; the one that leads well, that excels in everything and overcomes the most challenging obstacles.

Being an NSF.

een a while since I dropped by Youtube to catch some vids. I didn't realise how much more there was to watch at youtube. Guess I've been missing out quite some bit. I watched this piece of animation that I feel many guys can either relate to. Funny in a sense. All in good fun.

I seem to be reminded of the times I am an NSF every time I speak with others who are in the same shoes as myself. Its an experience few girls will really understand. Haha.. I must add that being an NSF really gave me a real kick in the head to realise the things we do to protect the country. Its no easy feat.

Only 6 more weeks to the day I will commission. Hope nothing goes wrong. THings are getting more exciting by the minute...

The chocolate bar..

My first entry ever since I came back from Taiwan but I guess I need to say little about how fun Taiwan was. Training was great, RnR was fantastic. Too bad I can't blog out much of the details because it'll cause a great deal of people to get jealous.. Haha.. I'll put up some pictures soon.. I hope..

Coming back from Taiwan, I guess I needed to finish some unfinished business here. Time spent with my friends and things I really felt needed to be ironed out before I get my chocolate bar. Getting the chocolate bar seems to be so near though it is still like 40 days away. Thing is, along the way, distractions get in the way and it is just confusing how life can become sometimes when they become more significant. Sometimes i dunno why my life can be this hard to lead. Sometimes I wish it were more simpler. Why can't the answers be right in front of me? Why do I always find it so difficult? OMG, please help me..

Looking forward to the day I commission fervently. Really looking forward to the time I meet the men I seek to lead. Listening to commissioning songs really sets the tone I guess. I thank the people around me who still choose to be my beloved friends through these 9 months of toil and tribulations in my life. You have been my inspiration to succeed..

Taiwan day 5

What a surprise! I got to use a computer in the middle of nowhere to update my blog again! 5 days of Taiwan passed in a blink of an eye. The sights and sounds of the country side are really breathtaking and the scenery just magnificent. I really wonder how these beautiful mountains form these spectacular sights here. Of course, I had some interesting adventures that came quite as a surprise. Having fun so far... 10 more days to train and 4 more days of RnR and home I come. Damn I miss so many people in sg. Wonder if they are thinking the same. haha.. Alrite!!!Only 10 weeks to commissioning. I'll be looking forward to every moment after that.

A wonderful week!

A turn of events after the horrible week I had last week was a good change indeed. Had fun fooling around with my my platoon mates while preparing to pack for Taiwan. Though it was hell packing the stuff, eventually it became second nature I guess.. haha..

I had fun talking and interacting with the freshies in OCS. They really looked like freshies you'd meet on their first day in school where they really had no idea what to expect until the seniors would step in to guide them along. It was really an eye opener for me I guess. I think the experience made up for my lost chances to be a GL in TPSU camps.. Oh duh.. I still prefer main comm.. Being a commander in future can be fun as well. Expecting the best after I commission in 2 months!

Had a great time yesterday @ Mind Cafe with so many people I haven met up in a long long time. It was almost like a mini TPSU reunion lah.. Iskandar and Khai made fun of me as usual, Weiqi mocking me the whole evening and Yasin so engrossed in the whole board game thingy.. I don't understand why these people hardly change!haha..

The whole plan was a set up to celebrate Kai wei's birthday in advance that day and I guess it went rather well. The cake was nice, the setting was perfect and it seemed as if the birthday girl knew nothing about the surprise at all! Birthday girl damn dumb leh.. Hehe..
Birthday girl pouting her lips! :P
Birthday girl cut cake!

I also had fun with Iskandar taking nonsense pics with some figures.. Guys will be guys.. Haha..
Its about these times with friends that is really enjoyable and memorable I guess. Glad I met up with these people who either changed lives and changed mine. Group photo!
Going to Taiwan with so many expectations for myself. Really hope I can prove myself worthy to lead a band of 27 men after commissioning. I'll miss so many people here in SG. Hope I get the nod though after I come back from Taiwan. Hope I do.. ;)