Dead..

I felt like I just died. A part of my soul leaving my body for good. Never to return again. I feel like I just died an instant death where I got myself stabbed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I felt like I just died, when I thought my dreams were coming true only to find out it was actually a nightmare. I felt like I just died from a sudden heart attack I could never have fathomed of experiencing. I got caught rooted to the spot; where there was nothing I could do to turn back the hands of time.

I'm tired. I don't understand. It seems like I can never understand why fate has dealt me a similar blow as my past. Somehow I still believe all this a test. A test of my courage and fortitude to pursue bigger things. Yet somehow I can't easily let go of these feelings. I used to blame others alot but yet I have seen nothing wrong to blame except myself for giving myself that inch of hope everyday. I got myself to blame for hoping.. I'm tired. Dear God, what have I done wrong. Why do u let me taste success in everything else except the one I truly treasure? I'm tired.

-heartbroken