Social nite!!

I had a great time during my Wing's social night the day before. I couldn't imagine so many people were dressed to the nines' on that day. It really was a blast of an event to say the least though it may not have been the most fun. I had a great time with my date. I guess she would think so too if I didn't bore her with too much details of my army buddies. I think it was really wrong of me to leave her out of conversations at times. Ok! next time cannot like that.. Must be more gentlemanly.. It was really nice to see her dress up for once too. Got a picture for memory sake from the event. At least I know that I looked like the person in the picture 10 years on. I never thought I could pull off the solo like that. Honestly I always thought I would screw the song up. Guess what, my date thinks its "not too bad" which means.. "its not Singapore Idol so I forgive you".. haha.. I think I fared satisfactory at best. It was a good experience singing up there on stage. Never a forte of mine, but at least I knew I conquered a new fear. Loved the event, loved the crowd and most of all I must say I loved my date.. Bleah!

Eventually, I had mixed feelings about moving on to pro-term, hearing so much about the tough times that I am about to face. I was happy fro finishing service term with good memories and being in one piece. Though, I just felt emotionless at the thought of my platoon splitting becuase it made no difference to me. I seemed more focused on what is ahead of me 6 months later. I think this is what happens when someone really focuses their energy towards a goal. It seems like no obstacle or change can elude myself of my goal. I'll just carry on from here I guess to a new, exciting challenge. Pro-term here I come!

Hmm.. The big 21st is coming but it seems like nothing new. I hope my first year as an adult would be filled with challenges and excitement. That would be all that I wish for..

Finally some peace..Reflecting..

I think today was the only real day where I could just sit down, ponder and reflect upon the feelings and experiences I have gone through for the past 2-3 weeks. It was a difficult past 2 weeks I guess, not having the time to look back at my mistakes. Somehow, just by being on my own I could tell that I was trying to break through the inertia of helping others and volunteering willingly. I was glad to see that I made changes in myself, eventually being happy to volunteer because it helped the platoon as a whole. My attitude towards menial work changed when I realised the importance of my responsibilities. I realised that pride really takes a big portion into the changed attitude that I have for my new responsibilities. It is really about configuring and rewiring my brain that my job is significant and taking the pride to do the job well. I realised that I have become more of a neat freak these days and it is really really scaring me. HAha.. I never really noticed I have changed the untidy side of myself until I took a look back 5 months ago when I was a enlistee. Although I can see all this happening in me, I could tell that many of my friends around me are the same old dudes that came into OCS 3 months ago. I would not say that it was their fault, because they have different goals from mine. It may be a lonely road when it comes to conciously developing myself in OCS, reading books, reflecting and creating challenges for myself. But I know all this effort will not come to waste at all. All this accumulated effort would only help me well into the future in time to come. Positivity in life is something no one else can teach me to do, for I am the only one who can motivate myself. Life as an officer is waiting for me. I cannot wait to embark on my first foray as a military leader. That experience is already visually created in my mind. It will happen, I know it! Pressing on...

Commissioning.. The rehearsal in my mind..

Today I saw the commissioning parade of the senior cadets from Bravo wing and it was a fantastic sight to behold as a junior cadet. It was so much so a rehearsal to me because I know I want to be in that parade very badly. I could already see myself in that parade, feeling the anxiousness and excited feelings of being minutes away from being commissioned as officers. There was a small gut feeling in me telling me how proud my parents would be putting on those 2nd LTA epaulettes on my shoulders. With each step of their march, I could feel my other self being in their place. How I wish that could have been me. Actually, I know it would be my turn sooner than I think. Letting go of my fears of the past will make me move forward as a person and a leader to the men that I will lead in future. Somehow or rather one of the persons standing in the parade will be me. I just know it. I will just keep it as a rehearsal in my mind. Pressing on..

Emotionally tired but still pressing on..

The past week has been a rather difficult week for me in all sense of the word I guess. It has not been as smooth as I thought it out to be. Internally, i just knew that I was suffering quietly in my own world. It was really tiring, just realising for myself the roles, responsibilities and significance in the army. There is really very little to motivate me in the army, knowing that every day we face immense pressure to perform under extreme situations. Take for example when we had to dig throughout the day and night with barely 4 hours of sleep in 2 days. It was just crazy, almost insane. Is it just that my expectations being too high? Or is it just the people around me? It was really emotionally tiring knowing that the time and space I would need just drifts away just because of my responsibilities to the nation. The last thing I need is for me to drift away from friends and loved ones. Honestly, the past week of field camp, going through platoon drills, digging throughout the night and battling stress and the need for sleep has really put me almost beyond my emotional threshold. At least I know now, when I need to keep sane and relaxed under those circumstances. Yup, it has been a difficult week but testament to true leadership, I must continue to learn about my differences with others as well as the weaknesses in myself to really learn my true worth in my life. That dream of commissioning as an officer has not left my mind. I thought the visuals became stronger after attending the rehearsal for the commissioning parade. I could already see myself there, I just know I will be there at all costs.. Press on Saffy, press on..

"HE WHO TREADS SOFTLY GOES FAR" -Anonymous