I survived NUS.

It seems only like a short while ago since I blogged. But it felt even longer than before. Looking at those results only further emphasizes the reality of grades in the lives of every Singaporean and their pursuit to get the ultimate degree everyone is looking for. I dread doing exams because it just does not justify that someone is good at work just because of his or her grades. It just does not prove anything. I doubt the system but yet I have to go through with it for the sake of a piece of paper. A piece of paper that many still believe hold the key to their success in Singapore. It's a different world out there my friends. One that does not believe that grades count at all. I will prove otherwise that success can take another form not only in terms of grades. I know that this is not the end of it all.

NUS RAG and NDP

Starting my journey into NUS could not get any more exciting as this; NUS Bizad FOC followed by Bizad O-WEEK followed by NUS RAG & FLAG day. Though the past few weeks has been a topsy turvy ride, I think NUS rag day helped to raise my spirits altogether. I was expecting much more, but how can I expect much more from a a faculty that has only 600 freshies as compared to the thousands in the other faculties. The Bizaders did great coz we won the President's Overall Challenge Shield again! I'm glad we did coz it proved how much more we juniors need to prove ourselves to defend the shield again next year. I took some photos of the event. It was really kinda cool!





























NDP 08 is like tomorrow and I'm feeling abit jittery about it. Maybe because it is going to be on live television and the whole of Singapore is watching. Still, the show has to go on and I think it will be a good show nonetheless. I'm glad I'm participating in the show as an ensign. I know I'll be proud to know when I look back that I was involved in the National Day parade holding my unit's colours.

I'm looking forward to National Day with happiness and pride as well as with sadness in my heart. I think I got my just deserts for breaking my promises to others in my teens when the person broke every promise she ever made when we broke up. I'm still feeling the pain as much as I tell myself I've moved on. Sometimes I wonder whether I can open up my heart ever again. I'm tired but I got to look forward to something new. I hope there will be something new to erase those sad memories.

Its too late..

I'm holding on a rope
Got me 10 feet off the ground
I'm hearin' what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down
But wait
You tell me that you're sorry didn't think I'd turn around and say:

That it's too late to apologize
Too late
Said it's too late to apologize
Too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat, it's nothing new
Yeah
I loved you with a fire red now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry lord, the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize
Too late
Said it's too late to apologize
Too late

I'm holding on a rope
Got me 10 feet off the ground

Surprise surprise

I googled my name for fun and guess what I found. Article of me way back in Sep 07.
Nice to see that MINDEF took notice.. :)

Fulfilling a dream

You could say that Officer Cadet (OCT) Muhd Sahfahri Bin Supar's dream has come true.

Even before his enlistment into full-time National Service, he had "aimed to come to OCS because [he] thought it was an opportunity to show [his] potential as a leader, not only in the SAF, but in the future."

And he has, indeed, made good, going on to win the Best in PT award.

"I feel very privileged and honoured to get the award, considering that there were many others who were fitter than I," he revealed.

OCT Sahfahri said the most marked change that he had noticed about himself - becoming fitter - was "a reward in itself".

Together with 194 other OCTs, he was commissioned at the SAFTI Military Institute on 8 Sep, at a parade reviewed by Minister for the Environment and Water Resources Yaacob Ibrahim.

In his speech, Dr Yaacob reminded the OCTs that "professionalism seldom comes naturally or easily", congratulating them on their success in the cadet course, which he felt "bears testament to that drive and the will to do [their] utmost under the most adverse of conditions".

To graduate from OCS is no simple feat. Over the course of 38 weeks, cadets underwent a series of demanding and realistic training exercises, as well as advanced obstacle courses and exacting physical training.

In the face of these challenges, OCT Sahfahri did not falter, and said that it was all "manageable".

"OCS has put in a very good programme of progressive training which allows the cadets to gain fitness without pushing them too hard," he said.

Out of the 194 OCTs commissioned were four who hailed from the Royal Brunei Armed Forces.

Cyberpioneer spoke to OCT Mohd Hishamuddin Bin Hj Marzoki, one of the four Bruneian cadets.

"It was the first time I was away from my family," he said. "But after these nine months, I’m used to it."

What really helped him to settle in was the hospitality of his Singaporean friends, whom he found "really very friendly and very helpful".

According to OCT Hishamuddin, he would "always hang out with [the Singaporeans] and get to know their Singaporean culture."

But regardless of where they come from, both OCTs Sahfahri and Hishamuddin share a common bond: their time together in OCS.

Last updated on 11 Sep 2007

Dead..

I felt like I just died. A part of my soul leaving my body for good. Never to return again. I feel like I just died an instant death where I got myself stabbed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I felt like I just died, when I thought my dreams were coming true only to find out it was actually a nightmare. I felt like I just died from a sudden heart attack I could never have fathomed of experiencing. I got caught rooted to the spot; where there was nothing I could do to turn back the hands of time.

I'm tired. I don't understand. It seems like I can never understand why fate has dealt me a similar blow as my past. Somehow I still believe all this a test. A test of my courage and fortitude to pursue bigger things. Yet somehow I can't easily let go of these feelings. I used to blame others alot but yet I have seen nothing wrong to blame except myself for giving myself that inch of hope everyday. I got myself to blame for hoping.. I'm tired. Dear God, what have I done wrong. Why do u let me taste success in everything else except the one I truly treasure? I'm tired.

-heartbroken

Mixed feelings..

I'm going into University fairly excited yet I'm quite nervous about starting school all over again. I can't imagine myself going through the system like I did in polytechnic and I don't really know if I can do it at all. I'm feeling a bit dejected. I could say totally over-awed by the people around me, my new surroundings and my next phase of my life. I think I am afraid of facing the civilian world again after getting so used to the Army for the past 2 years of my life. I'm not sure whether life after ORD is really the life I've been looking forward to at all.. I am having these mixed feelings because I don't really know what I want to look forward to in school at all.. Other than getting the grades, I felt I already accomplished what I wanted to do in Polytechnic. So will I get to do something different in NUS? Honestly, I'm not sure. The anticipation is keeping me on my toes until the day I start school. Till then I'll just have to count the days down to the day I hang up my rifle for good.

Meeting that someone new has been emotional; both in its good ways and bad. I really hope for the best, for I there is nothing else I'd rather do then to be with the special someone for as long as I can. I hope everything will soon iron itself out. She's too good to be true. She's really too good to be true. Somehow I think I'm not even good enough for her. I can't match up to her. Yet, I hope I can give her all I can give. :)

NDP continued..

I am already feeling lethargic from all the marching from the NDP rehearsals as well as the actual parades on the saturdays. Somehow I wish it would all end sooner. I know the National Day Parade is the biggest parade in Singapore's calendar year, but mark my words it is no mean feat. The people we have to deal with becomes the biggest challenge for anyone involved in the NDP when conflicts arise from the many who are so enthusiastic about making the parade the best. It can be pressurising for anyone brought under the limelight to perform in front of 27000 pair of eyes but what gives me the most pressure is when I see different faces in a makeshift team that is incapable of performing. I am very much a team player and I really hate to see things like this happen, yet it is truly beyond my control. I wish for the NDP to be the best performance for the colour party especially because it will be on live television. More so because it will be my final contribution in my short but eventful career in the armed forces. I hope there would be more of the adrenalin rush to come in the next few performances. I hope I will see the best of the colour party on that very day of 9 August.

Relief..

The feeling of relief cannot be understated when the other party is forgiving after a heated argument. This feeling is all too good to be true. I hope it'll keep the flame burning, going strong. Thanks guys. You helped me through this small hump. :P

Back From Camp.. BIZAD CAMP!

To think that I almost thought of not registering for BIZAD camp, I almost missed the chance to meet many more new peeps for the new school sem coming up. Honestly, if there was any camp that I easily describe as the one that gave me a kaleidescope of emotions throughout the time, it definitely had to be RETROSPECTIF. As a freshie, I looked at the camp from many perspectives; both from a participant as well as the organisers. I could only comment that I had too high expectations from peeps who tried their best at executing the camp at this scale generally for the first time. Yet, I felt happy knowing that I made great friends with other freshies as well as the seniors who really made the camp even more fun than I thought it would be. Guess my life in NUS wouldn't be as bad as I thought after all, ever since realising that these guys from JC were very much human as I was and they appreciated the company of someone who came from a different background from them. These guys really knew what having fun means and to think that I had stereotypes of them. Well, I'll be waiting to see more of what's to come in NUS. Especially knowing that I got nominated to be in something BIG! LOL! Being in BIZAD really rocks! Never regretted choosing NUS BIZ! Woo!

My Final Farewell..

Sadness fills the heart the past few days knowing that I have lost someone I felt was so important to contributing to what I have become today. Our fates crossed in a simple interview that made his impact on my life all the more significant. A friend who was jovial, humorous and strong willed, I knew he would make so much of an impact to so many other lives in his short yet significant life. If only there was a way to turn back the hands of time, there would be many more things I wished I had said to him before my final farewell. So now as he moves on, I only wish that his legacy remains to be carried on by people who have been touched by this brave soul. For that I salute you. You'll stay in my heart forever.<3

Happiness

What is this word happiness? A word that is so overused, many think it doesn't really co-exist in the hustle and bustle of the city. Well I believe in the pursuit of happiness as much as it is a cliche to the movie of the same name. It is a feeling of intense emotions that can bring someone much joy to his or her world. I love the feeling when I am on the receiving end of this feeling. It seems like all happiness begets happiness as I consciously pursue it. It seems like more and more good things continue to come my way the more I am happy. With all my energy, I spread this happiness to all to those around me for happiness is infectious. Thank god for I would never exchange my experiences in my life for anything. I am in the happiest moment of my life right now and I will never exchange it for anything.

The Battle has just begun..

Studying again. It seems an indomitable task considering it has been 3 years since I last touched a text book depicting any form of quotation from any professor of sorts. I'm starting to feel the new playing field I'm competing on especially since receiving news of my entrance into NUS. Not that I'm not looking forward to it. It's just that it won't be the same playing field I was on in poly. It feels as if I just entered a battlefield.

One where weapons are in play instead of the ordinary ball being playfully passed around. I can imagine the bullets flying around and shrapnel throwing itself about all over me in University. I can imagine the professors brandishing weapons of mass destruction at the freshmen at every oppotunity they can get; using their superior terminology of business terms in their pursuit to brainwash the meek freshmen. Seniors in school wielding looks resembling arrows awaiting to be released at the freshmen who steps on their toes. "Ooh.. The freshie!", they'll go. I can imagine the number of bombs that will land on me at the eleventh hour in the moments of madness before the exams. Yet, I'm not afraid. I'm thrilled.

The thrill of it all. The thrill of going through the battlefield I call NUS. Going through NS, I don't really think anything can be tougher than going through the jungles in my LBV and long 4. I'll win the war; battle by battle. Trust a soldier to go through school with a mindset of a soldier. Guess I am a soldier at heart with the discipline and will of an officer. Nothing is impossible. Or should I say IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!

Butterflies..

Looking back over the past week, luck seems to have been swinging towards my favour; NUS acceptance letter, taking part in National Day, my health seems to be improving and I guess getting closer to my friends as well. It really is an irony how the good things in life just comes in windfalls when I least expect it. I could least expect myself to feel the way I'm feeling right now. The gut feel of knowing something good is about to happen. Something that I may have waited quite some time for. Only time can tell if things turn out the way they should. Only time will tell. Feeling butterflies in my stomach and I don't understand why..

Thought, Think, Thinking..

I had a great time with my some of my poly friends yesterday maybe because this was the first time we met this year. Meeting them really reminds me of my days in Poly. Without them I would have never got to where I am today. Yet, I can sense many of them have begun to move on with their lives and I am happy for them. Some of them have moved to beyond where I am right now, studying for their degrees and so on. Yet, my dreams seem so distant from where they are headed. For I am thinking..

I'm getting tired. Tired of the fact that I face the same old thoughts everyday from the people around me. I'm tired; hearing the same old way of moving ahead in life, of buying a new car, of signing on in the Army etc etc. I'm tired of hearing how people get so excited going into a local university and everyone else praising them for it. I'm tired because all those dreams are not my dreams. I'm tired of people not facing up to the reality of the choices they are making in their lives. My heart is telling me to do something else I know I am destined for. My heart is asking me to do it for my family. If I ever stood for something, it has to be this. Jiayou Saf! I can do it. I know I can.

A Chaotic day!

Went for another afternoon of NDP training. It is going to be tougher the next time I round I swear. Haha.. Well it's all part and parcel of the whole NDP package I guess. No one would have believed that we were going through the whole sequence of the parade on our second training. I must say it is really a huge feat trying to coordinate hundreds of people on the parade square. My respects go out to all Sergeant Majors. I cannot imagine how fantastic we'll look on the parade square come August 9. I am really looking forward to it.

Well after that long afternoon, the all important ice cream outing with Elene, Teck and Xuihui. Lol. Never would have guessed the incredible amount of laughter we got out of this trip to Tom's Palette. It was CHAOS in TOM's Palette! I hope Chronos enjoys the the "feng li shu" aka pineapple tarts I brought for him from Taiwan. And I sure believe that the rest of us had a great time with the owners and their "5 year old" worker playing "the Secret Number"! Esther just can't stop making fun of me I guess. More jokes are on her this time. Had fun the whole night just laughing away. Oh I am sure I wouldn't want her to be my best friend in NUS FASS. I'll run away as far as I can if I ever see her.. Oh well, if she's reading this blog, I guess it won't be bad to praise her for being such a joy to be around and a not-so-bad ice cream scooper. LOL. I wish she just stick to her netball sometimes. Yet, I kind of respect her focused attitude to her beloved sport. Yo, Capitan. I think you made the greatest captain at during your time! The 2 slits above your nose (i.e. eyes) showed everything.LOL!

<< ESTHER aka CAPTAIN 5 Yr old!


















<< The New Ice Cream Stick Disposal System


Well, hope I have such "chaotic" days in many times to come! Till my next posting!

NDP '08 OEI! & Taiwan Pics!

Yes, NDP is coming soon and preparations are already under way. Already started my first NDP rehearsal yesterday for the colour party. The flag is EXTREMELY heavy. It seems heavier after the previous day's gym session. My body's still aching from all that carrying and marching. I am going to see most of my weekends doing the parades. I can see myself doing the same thing over and over and over again. Yet, I know everything is going to be worth it when I march into the parade grounds with my unit colour flying high. It will be a moment I will most definitely remember for the rest of my life. I hope all the effort will be worth that moment in time on 9 August 2008. In the mean time, I'll think about ORDing along the way. ORD in 3 months! Woo!

Oh and some pictures I took in Taiwan!
The scenery was awesome.. Just breathtaking..
An ocean view.. At Kenting, south of Taiwan.

The very popular Ximen shopping district behind me!

Smelly beancurd stallin Shilin Night Market. I had to queue 20 minutes for one bag of 10 pieces. Hell it was worth it!

In the Taipei metro! I think as tourists we really made quite a din in the train. Quite a cool experience being in one of the most efficient metros in the world!

Well, that's all for the photos. Taiwan was fun. Looking forward to more tours in future! NDP next up!

Admiring from afar..

The person seems so near, yet in actual fact she is so far.

Admiring from afar, she looks more beautiful than I ever thought she was.

So strong, so passionate. Yet, I can only admire her from afar.

I think the closest I can get is as much as a hug from her and nothing else.

How I wish it could be much more.

Yet I can only admire from afar.

Catching up...

I was glad that after the horrible morning, I had a chance to meet my friends firstly for ice cream and then for a delightful supper. The morning of 8 May shall be forgotten cause it was the rest of the day that I will remember.

I had lunch with Joshua in the afternoon and I was glad I caught up with him one on one especially since he had the time to. (MC for 2 weeks after an operation is no joke) Glad I had a listen to his plans after his ORD to further his studies. It's great knowing he has plans in mind. Wasn't glad to hear how some of my other dragonboat buddies are doing. At least Josh is focused this time. He's not taking the chance to study for his degree lightly this time. I think he grew alot ever since I knew him from Secondary school. I really admire his discipline in the way he leads his life. I'm glad he's not turning out like some of the rest we know. They lost their way. Josh found something new to turn his attention to.

Ice cream with Xiuhui in the evening was the most interesting part of the day. Glad I made a new friend called Ester at my fav ice cream bar in SG; Tom's Palette. She was an interesting friend who had a strange taste for designing rather peculiar "5-year-old" drawings. No prizes for what her new nickname was. Chillaxed for most of the evening at the Esplanade while catching up with her. I can't believe she remembers all the FO cheers up till now. Ok, I must admit I did feel the same way after I graduated. Yet I swear I don't cheer in public.

Midnight. An old friend and neighbour asked me out to chill at ICE3 aka ICE Cube. Ice cream again and a jolly old teh tarik after that. Delightful for a supper, yet what was most satisfying about the supper was the long talk we had about the reality of life. Zhiming really has his sights going for his business. I'm glad he has his life sorted out. He has nothing to lose. I know he will make it one day.

My life from today onwards will no longer be made of excuses. I just can't except them anymore. I will do what I plan to do no matter what. There is no turning back. 5 years and I will be the person that I want to be. I will be the person. My dreams are still in the back of my head. I believe I will succeed. God willing.

Is studying in NUS such a big deal?

I just came back from a scholarship interview for NUS. It was ugly. The interviewer raised points I could not even have believed hearing from such an educated person. I am angry. Angry for the fact that for me being honest, it seemed like it was a foolish way to earn the scholarship. Is it always the case where someone who knows how to speak getting the scholarship? Is it always about the elite in Singapore getting their way to earn the right to be somebody in future? What is so elite about being in NUS? What is so good about getting a place in NUS? So what if I rejected the initial offer to NUS? Is studying in NUS really all that worth it? It's disgusting to see them smirk at the thought of me rejecting the initial offer to NUS. Isn't life about making the right decisions that will empower you in future? I really lost faith in NUS after that initial contact with them. Circumstances are forcing me to change directions. Somehow I lost faith in the education system. I don't understand why they think that way. I don't understand why they are not facing reality. I'm going to face reality. I have to get out of this stupid race I'm in. It's too ridiculous to be in it. God please help me..

Missing home..

I miss home so much. I miss my mum, dad, sis and everyone else back in sg. I've never been this homesick in my life. 3 more days. I love you guys so much!

4 months and counting..

4 months to the big day I'll get my beloved pink IC. Its a big milestone yet my life has only begun. Just that I must add that I will miss the army for all the wonderful experiences that it has brought to me. It has been a journey I have never regretted. The next few months; ROC and NDP. bring it on!

I believe.

Having a great time in camp now, though MSK's a bitch. I'm finally getting closer to the guys, realising it can be easier than it looks. They are a great bunch to be with, especially since there are so many of them that are great leaders themselves. It's been enlightening to see them doing their duties diligently without much complaints, only with the promise of a little reward though. They have been a group of men I have learnt much of the real world about; that leading this group of them requires much more than logic but heart as well.

Over the past few months, my perspectives on leadership change ever so significantly because it can be ever so dynamic; never the same the next day. Position counts on certain occasions, but it is how being a friend to the person that leadership can really be made easier. I have definitely see myself change in the way I have become ultra-patient, ultra-tolerant and understanding.

Things are more or less falling into place now. I look forward to the rest of the months with the platoon full of enthusiasm and passion. This has been the work I have been looking for though in a context that may not be all that forgiving. Conciously living each day has been the greatest asset I ever got over the past 6 years for it got me to where I am today. Not many can have as many achievements as myself. I believe I should be proud of each and every one of those achievements. I believe that I will get those to my goals with trust, faith and belief. I will.

I'm thankful for everything that I have right now. I believe I can achieve more.. I believe.

Uber Cool Week!

Just last friday, I attended a cool party back in school to catch up with the alumni from TP. It was great knowing that I had so many friends that still remember me. It was great catching up with so many of them, knowing that they're still doing well or even better than I thought. I feel so glad for them and wish them all well. Had so much fun monkeying around like I always do. i always feel myself when I'm in TP. TP will always be home in my heart foreva!

Just that Thursday, i had a great time basking in the sun, sand and sea in Sentosa with my men from my platoon. I can't believe I had so much fun even though it was frustrating that our Sentosa trip was marred by rain in the afternoon. It was really a chance to see the guys in a different light outside of the Army and honestly, they really made my day. No ordinary men, they can really lead the way to their lives if they really wanted to because of their extraordinary leadership abilities. It was unbelievably fun. haha..

Thinking back, Ifeel great being where I am right now because I know that my future is shaping up with the decisions I am making in my life right now. Having seen the things I have been doing and taken part in. I know I'll make it in the future one day. That goal of mine will always be sticking in my head till the day I reach it. I just know I'll get it. I'll walk the path less beaten and succeed. I just know I will.