WWGD? (What Wud God Do?)

I'm so perplexed about the stuff dats happening ard me. Though I'm always an adventurer by nature, its not easy making decisions that refer to affairs of the heart. Sigh. I wish I had more guidance. I'll just let things flow. As they say, I'll GO-WITH-THE-FLOW this time. Cross my fingers and pray all will be smooth as silk. WWGD?

A leader's true colours..

It was a memorable week knowing that it was an extremely tiring week for myself as well as the rest of the battallion. More importantly, it has been a week where I have seen before my eyes the real situations that a leader would face under pressure. It has been an insightful week into the hard truth of being a leader and the realities of living as one.

It was a Monday I would always remember for the reason that I took the platoon out for their first mission that day. From the planning all the way to the execution, my mind was so set out on doing the best for them. To create an experience that they would remember. When the crunch came, it all came naturally to me. I made decisions where they count and I gave it my all. Looking back, it was a great experience I would love repeating. It was definitely heartwarming to see their enthusiastic faces on the day of the mission. I believe I did what a leader should do.

Over the week, I could see leadership emerge from all forms. Some coming from the men, others for the commanders. When crunch time came, it became so natural for them to take the lead to get things done. The look on my CO's face was all the more inspiring. Even as he was pressured to perform, he never took his eyes off the eventual goal he set out for himself; which was to show the Indonesians that Singapore was a capable a fighting force as much as they were. Being an ambassador for Singapore was a good and proud moment for me. It would the only chance I'd get to meet Indonesian soldiers and the chance was well worth it.

Worked hard over the course of the week, barely sleeping more than 5 hours for most of the week. Enjoying the weekend ust lazing around but not without my reading. Thinking about my goals for the next 10 years. I think I got something going.. Push on Saffy.. Push on..

A chance encounter with an Indonesian soldier

My week started rather early on Sunday due to some responsibilities I had to undertake at work. Honestly, it was really a dread to go back to work on a Sunday but it was worth the while when the participants quietly appreciated my efforts. It was a hell of a day but I guess nothing beats some unpredictable events in the week.

Over the next few days, the battalion was getting ready to receive the Indonesians who had just arrived on our shores. The partaking in exchanges between the 2 armed forces was very much anticipated.

I had a brief exchange with one of the Indonesian soldiers today and it must have been the most insightful conversation I had in recent weeks. This soldier was soft-spoken and well mannered, much to my amazement. Soft-spoken and humble never seemed to be the words to describe them before they came. He acknowledged my rank and proceeded to ask questions regarding our training in Singapore. It was when I asked him questions that I felt I had to better appreciate where I came from. I must admit, he looked remarkably similar to my father as most of the Indonesians were. No surprise that my family is a descendant of the Javanese origin; the land where this soldier was born. He was a corporal who rose through the ranks through a good 14 years. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard that, adding that he was already 36 and he was still a fighting fit soldier. To them, it seemed that being a soldier was very much a privilege in back home where only 200 of 1000 applicants get the eventual nod to join the country's armed forces. It was so contrasting to the fact that in Singapore, it is an eventual norm that everyone would have to serve the nation. This soldier was a father of 2 very young sons, 8 and 4. Sadly, he only has the opportunity to visit them once in 18 months. It was alarming to hear how his sons would not acknowledge him when he returns. His looks only appear as bare traces in his children's memories. He shares his memories and experiences with great enthusiasm; his face lighting up at the mention of his family. At the end of our conversation, I was left dwelling on the thoughts of my actions, my situation and experiences. I realised I have only discovered so little of the world.

Looking at the world in the eyes of others can really do wonders sometimes. That conversation enlightened me in ways I could never imagine. It really shows how much we do take things for granted. Does life always have to be about me all the time? That question I hope will be answered in time to come as I improve on my weaknesses.

On a lighter note, I definitely had a great time watching "Enchanted" wuth Kai Wei on Thursday. Sometimes I do think that our friendship was a chance encounter that was truely magical. Every experience is magical in a sense. Every experience enchanted.

Earning the respect..

Earning respect comes only with time and effort put in to actually get into the heads of these people. Time will tell whether all the effort would prove worthwhile. The boys already got into a bit of trouble over the week. Long weekend for Deepavali. Best I enjoy it now before I get busy again..

Glad to be part of Al-Caliph. Football will always be a part of me.

TP Alumni @ Regatta 07

The sights and sounds seemed so familiar.. Singlet clad men and women were walking around UOB building. A myriad of colours adorned the banks of Boat quay as men and women of all ages congregated at the biggest dragonboat race of the year, the Singapore River Regatta 2007. Hunks and babes came down to Boat quay today to either participate or just have a good time basking in the sun. It was judgement day for my alma mater, TP to race for school pride.

Unfortunately, they did not fair as well as I thought they would, coming in 4th for their National Men's Championship race. It wasn't really the highlight I was looking forward to. Yet being at the races did give me a sense of nostalgia.

Every moment I was at the race sight was intensely hair raising. I don't really understand why it seemed as if I miss being in the dragon boat, rowing with the passion running through my veins like I was in the yesteryears. It seemed as if the sensation and feelings the dragon boaters felt seem to come back for a moment today. I felt like I was rowing again.

I had my doubts to row again in University, when I could see myself pursuing other opportunities to improve myself. However, there is no way I will admit I lost my love for rowing. Sports is my way of testing my limits and it will continue to be so for years to come. It seems rowing is one of my passions I can never let go off. It is really my cup of tea.

In any case, i wish the TPDB team good luck in their future endeavours and look forward to perform better with each and every race. Got some pictures of the guys today. Hey TPDB, keep at it... Hope I can get to row in NUS soon. God willing.

ZzzzZZZZzzzzzHibin!

TeamTP 2007!

Team Alumnua 2007! We SaY!
Idiots aka TP Alumni...

TPDB in the Grand Finals! I'm proud of them!

Life is Great!

The Dream Platoon Commander.

The past month has been rather challenging to note. On one side, I realise how much I need to level up myself as a platoon commander in my administrative capabilities; operational staff work, report writing and even right down to details of leaves and offs of the men. More importantly, I have learnt many a lesson regarding how to handle people who come from so many different backgrounds. I begin to realise this job is tougher than it looks, when expectations of the leader is apparently high within the platoon. I'm feeling the pressure, yet then again it always comes with the job.

Listening in to the men has a way of saying, "I care for you, so tell me your problems". Sometimes people really think it is really easy to listen. Its not when everyone else likes to talk about ourselves most of the time. Its really good to know what's on their minds, as its only then that I can attend to their needs. A good leader sees each and every individual to be someone unique who has a potential beyond his wildest dreams. I want to see myself do that for them before I move on to my new life in 9 months time.

I took my first steps to listening to their expectations of their "Dream Platoon Commander", getting them to write down what they'd want from myself as their leader. Words are varied in structure and grammar but most did say they want one who can motivate them in times of joy and sorrow. The commanders know they crave someone who can guide the platoon. They want me to navigate the way for them to succeed.

Life in the army can be irritating sometimes, but most times, one will meet situations only the human spirit will prevail. I see myself imparting this value of determination to the men in time to come. Eventually, I really want to see myself being an excellent platoon commander.

Taking life each day will not suffice. I need to start navigating the future for this bunch of men. This group of soulja boyz...

Meeting reservist men who called me Sir..

It's been 4 weeks ever since I commissioned and I guess officer life has been getting better ever since. No more turn outs, no more being referred to as smelly cadets, no more early mornings to do the dreaded 5BX and so much more freedom.

I've been getting along with my men most of the times and having fun at the same time. Stress does come in once in a while when the workload piles up but I guess its just part of the job.

I guess it gets stranger when men start calling me "Sir" for the reason of the "bamboo stick" that I have on my shoulders. It becomes apparently uncomfortable when men in their 30s call me that too.

I went for an outfield exercise for 4 days with a battalion of very brave NSmen; some who have not touched a rifle for close to a year and sport pot bellies of incredible proportions. Others have established families and careers whom I can label were much more financially sound than mine. It was such an eye opener to see men as mature as them pick up their rifles and fight just like they did years ago when they were still active NSF.

Marching along in a mish mash of formations along the road, they carried the loads on their backs as if they carried bricks of steel; clearly exhausted and lethargic. Many fell out, fainted and wheezed as their counterparts chugged along towards the objective. It was simply through sheer determination that they were willing to walk on in the sheer darkness of the jungle.

Their lethargic bodies eventually took the form of the soldiers they once were a decade ago when they took siege on the their enemies as adrenaline rushed through their aged veins. Testosterone seem to fill their bodies as they fire their rounds away at their seemingly aggressive targets.

It was an insightful experience, knowing I would someday be like on of them in future be called upon to serve the country for 2 weeks in the year, to fight for the nation. In a term known as reservist,it is set to be the next phase of army life that I will have to encounter in the next 15 years of my life.

I would remember an occasion when one of the men asked me a question enroute to the objective through the woods that reminded me that I was an officer of the SAF.

Rifleman: Sir, do you know how far away are we from the objective?

Myself: You people walked faster than I imagined. We're only about 1 km away (reluctantly smiling)

I knew that we had longer to walk, but to raise their morale, there was this much that I could do. Facing many a dilemma on many occasions, this job is only getting tougher as the days pass by.

Anyway, a kudos to the other umpires of Alpha Coy who have helped out in some way or other in the evaluation. Here's the picture guys!
These men who answered the call of the nation are the very men some refer to as brothers or fathers for some. It is definitely heartwarming knowing that they take training so positively, if not for them, the country would not have enjoyed peace when they served their due a decade ago. All I can do, is to serve this nation the best I can in my best capacity. Till my first reservist call up! :)

Other pictures!
The long march..
Slacking in the training shed
Picture using Night vision goggles!! Cool stuff!

Commissioning ball!

I was on my way to my commissioning ball yesterday when I had a short conversation with the taxi uncle. I was feeling kinda unexcited about going to the ball when something he said struck me..

Taxi Uncle: "You know when I was young, I never had a chance to enjoy myself because I thought that such things were stupid. I never really thought about it until I grew too old to enjoy stuff like you now are."

Myself: .... (Feeling guilty)I somehow think so too uncle.

It was something that I never would have realised until then, that going to my commissioning ball was something that would happen once in my lifetime. I knew then that I had to enjoy myself.

Hey enough said, I enjoyed myself so much last night; took pictures and merried heartily with the company of the ladies! I'll let the pictures do the talking!

I was lucky this lady decided to say ok to be my date.. Haha. Thanks Mag!

A group photo of the ladies and gentlemen of table 2.. I thought all of us looked simply exquisite!


Me and my great Malay Buddies.. I'll miss them..

The gentlemen of Table 2..

I'm glad the ladies enjoyed themselves just as much.. I bet it was more fun for the ladies dressing up! It's a small world how all the ladies seem to know each other like they were long lost best friends after a night. Something we men can never understand... Hmmm..

Too bad that's the end of the big hoo ha of commissioning and 2LT duties are under way for me. Back to work on Sunday night! Back to the home of the Stingray! Ooh Aah!

Feeling down under..

Dun understand who what when where WHY.. Just can't help being so confused. Just can't help being misunderstood..

A new start.. Ooh Aah! Stingray!

First week at my new workplace went as such.. Briefing, briefing, eat, sleep, briefing again and the process starts all over again. It's a culture shock understanding the reality of the army in a real operational unit. I still can't get used to all the freedom that is given to me after all the months of training. It's just strange knowing how the men around me treats anyone else the same in camp. It's surprising to know that I'm a 2nd lieutenant who has responsibilities few can identify with. I think I'm getting along fine at my workplace, it really feels good knowing that we are treated like adults unlike when I was training in OCS. Honestly, it has been a humbling week where I realise rank is of no importance to gaining respect from any of the men in the unit. There is more to learn, more to expect when I least expect it. Had a great end to the week, knowing I beat my personal best in my 2.4k run today. 1 week and counting. Looking forward to the adventures ahead.. OOh Aaah! Stingray!

Commissioning

Only one more week left to the end of the course and it seems like everything happened in a flash. It would be another occasion where there would be many more occasions of trials and tribulations ahead in new and unchartered grounds. Looking forward to the changes that would happen for it seems I thrive on new challenges. While looking ahead, I would never fail to reminisce the ordeals and laughter that I shared with a bunch of men whom I called buddies, brothers and platoon mates for the past 9 months in the course. It would be unwise to underestimate the responsibilities I acquire after the 8 September 2007, for it would be then I see the immense pressure I would have to overcome as an officer. Cherishing every moment of my days towards the final farewell; To the place I have called home for the past 9 months of my life.

Meeting people..

Over the past few weeks, it seemed quite extraordinary to meet so many new and old faces around me. Meeting people whom names I do not remember. Meeting those who have unfortunate incidents working with me. Others who I still care about after not meeting them for so long. Whether it be a hi-bye opportunity, i think it still goes to show how much my effort to open up when I was in school paid off. It really can get frustrating not knowing who to meet just to chill out after booking out on the weekend. Then again, I'm not certain of whether there is a person out there who is the special one for me. Maybe thinking about it is just a passing phase in my life, but I can say I feel most comfortable knowing I only have to be responsible for myself and not someone else at least until the time comes. I'll just have to let nature take its course and ride along its wave. For the time being, I'll just be the person I am; a soldier defending the land I stand on.

Dementia test?!

Honestly, it has been awhile since I posted some humour into my entries ever since I started my blog. Scroll down to take the test.TRY IT! IF U DARE!

"It's that time of year to take our annual Dementia test."

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so..Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see>the answers until you have made your answer.



OK, relax, clear your mind and... begin.



1. What do you put in a toaster?





Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.


2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?





Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.


3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?





Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green>bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions????? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.


4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would>you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?





Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a>plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.


5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?



Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do>better than you did.

PS: 95% of people fail in most of the questions!! I guess its ok that you failed the test.. haha.. i did too.. And I thought I was smart. Guess i'm not realli that bookwormy after all.

My reflections.. of the past and future..

I am feeling rather edgy these days, knowing that I would be facing rather extraordinary changes in the months to come. I can already feel the emotions of the changes running through my head. The confusion that comes with the changes and the challenges that come with them. I just hope that things may soon fall into place as soon as possible. Going into the unknown can be really really scary. An series of events in my life has been changing the way I am perceiving things. I am doing ridiculous things at extraordinary lengths to get just a single inch of hope that the tide will turn in my favour. Be it me being foolish or lunatic in nature, I find it surprisingly fun to do. Adds to the spice of life I guess..

I just wrote out a reflection on the events in my life for the past 9 months. I was wondering whether I should be even putting up the contents here because half of my audience would not even understand the content in it. But I guess I can leave it in the archive for myself to reflect upon in time to come. Yes ladies.. It is about my life in the army. So here goes...

In Retrospection
The time of the month is here again where I would have to write another reflection. This time the theme of the reflection is to wrap up the loose ends of everything that I had experienced in OCS. I would like to make his reflection a light hearted one to entertain myself when I read it as a 2LT (On the condition that I commission..).

Somewhere in the back of my mind, there is a part of my memory that throws me back in time to the first day I was in OCS. Honestly, being the most junior wing of the wings in OCS must have been the most pathetic experience I have ever had in my entire life. Being the most junior in terms of military knowledge did not do anyone good especially in OCS since we were still so green to the military (pun not intended). The transition of earning the right to wear the white OCS polo-T and black shorts after the CLM phase was a talking point among the Hotel Wing cadets as it was very good change from the ridiculous excuse of the a T-shirt that we had to wear during the Common Leadership Module (CLM) phase. CLM was just a nightmare in most cases, especially when my first weeks encompassed days of late nights without free time and the “promise” of late night turn outs every other day. Getting the lanyard off the uniform was a huge welcome to our image as newly transitioned service term cadets. However, it was a welcome to the term “extras” as well.

Service term was nevertheless tiring to say the least but it was the period I learnt a lot about myself as a leader, friend and colleague to my other wing mates. I took up appointment after appointment; cadet platoon sergeant to cadet wing commander in close succession not knowing myself how belligerent and ignorant I was to the team dynamics in my platoon. I didn't lose my personal focus at all during this phase, but I guess I did manage to lose certain friends. It was a difficult balance to try to make sure things get done while making sure everyone was pleased. It was a challenge and I guess certain factors had to be sacrificed. This was also the term that I learnt a lot about being a soldier. BMT had only scraped only a tip of the soldier's iceberg . The level of information being pounded into the brains of a lowly cadet must have knocked us out most of the time we are in lectureswhen I oserved the majority of us succumbing to the “Z” monster. Learning to handle one weapon in BMT to five in OCS was no easy feat. Handling them without getting an Negligible Discharge (ND) is a godsend considering the number of ND cases we have in the wing. Though it may sound sexually offensive, it is not but a serious offence. From section field camp to platoon field camp, we learnt various soldiering tactics and soldiering skills that would come as a miracle for BMT sergeants to teach to recruits. I ended off service term successfully as a Exercise PC in my platoon live firing, confident of moving on to pro-term to learn more about myself. Service term. Yes. It was stressful in every sense of the word and in every situation I found myself in. With “manifestations of behemoths” (i.e. Hotel Wing instructors) breathing down my neck every day, it was never easy to live peacefully without knowing that a mistake will not be “rewarded” with a certain number of extras. Extras to me are just reasons for me to justify the amount of money I am earning as a cadet, never as a punishment at all. I think it is this type of positive thinking that really kept me going in OCS. For friends I know, extras look to be the end of the world when summoned upon them. At least getting the extras taught me not lose anything during my operations anymore. Nonetheless, I passed through the phase, knowing myself that I had done well and pursuing the dream of leading a set of 27 men.
Professional term soon ensued with many expectations on myself. With the JCC badge on the line and multitude of badges we were to earn, I guess it really puts a bit of pressure to earn them all. Pro-term was interesting to start with as they were many changes that happened during this period that I guess it bothers many. Charlie actually closed down to have their cadets amalgamated with Hotel due to a series of unknown events that happened. Upon the next few weeks, both sides of the court provided a rousing display of verbal arguments as to which wing could be better when it came to administration in the wing. I had my hands tied in many a discussion on who's SOP was better when it came to OPs orders. There was almost a mini-revolution of cadets waiting to overthrow the ruling appointment holders if things went out of their way. Seeing these changes allowed myself to see, how resistant people can be to change. It is crazy how much people can pick on a certain subject, unwilling to adapt to the change that is actually apparent in their context. From this simple but yet true experience, it has somehow illustrated to me how I should welcome change because it is true how change is the only constant in a country like Singapore.

My experience as an RCP cadet must have been the most enduring experiences I had as an officer cadet. Not only was it humiliating, it was degrading it all sense of the word. It was bad enough that we had to march up and down to HQ, it was worse when i didn't get the chance to go to TPSU FOC. Confinement is a big deal especially to me. It was saddening yet, it taught me some lessons.

Going through JCC must have been one of the most trying experiences in my life. I could not fathom how I went through such a challenging course of 9 days without so much as 1 proper meal a day. Though water was abundant during the course, it was not really as welcomed when it came from the skies. It was mind over matter in many occasions in the course. Even nibbling on plants became apparently relieving knowing that I had only a pack of food left for 2 more days. I still remember occasions where my mind would be constantly on my loved ones back home while asking myself questions about the countless times I took everything back at home for granted. It was torturous mentally and physically that by the end of the course I ended up losing 11 kilos. Fortunately, all that suffering did not end in vain, having earned the coveted JCC badge. It was a time I knew that I would not forget, for it shook me emotionally, mentally and physically. It was a period where I realised for myself, the inner me that was selfish inside, that had to be overcome if my group were to pass the course. I set that experience as a benchmark, that if any other exercise were not tougher than the JCC, it is not that tough after all.

Taiwan became the talking point soon after when the JCC hype died down. Everyone, including myself, was looking forward to the day we fly off to Taiwan. So many stories from our friends and seniors that I knew we had to experience for ourselves. True enough, training was as tough as we would imagine. But never would I imagine being in 38 degree summer temperatures that was even hotter than in Singapore. Preparations for the exercises was just as intense as the exercises themselves I guess. Some of wing mates I believe would still be having nightmares from the overwhelming numbers of target boards that we had to prepare for the live firing exercises. It was bewildering, the number of rubber bands that had to be prepared just for the target boards. I must have prepared over a hundred I guess. Overall, I think I could have still pulled out lessons from Taiwan training stint as an appointment holder for the platoon battle course. I had the chance to gain an insight into using terrain to effectively deploy my men in the fighting scenarios. I realised I was given a once in a lifetime chance to do this, and yes I did learn a lot from the experience. The Taiwan terrain in the countryside was magnificent and in any case, breathtaking. Honestly, I had little of an impression of Taiwan until I landed on its sunny shores. I appreciated the charm and warmth that its beautiful surroundings as well as the people brought to Hotel Wing. I enjoyed myself thoroughly there. Taiwan would not be something that I would want my grandchildren to miss at all.

Nearing commissioning, I must add that it is an irony just watching the junior cadets going through their daily activities in the institution that I have called home for the past 7 and a half months. They are going through exactly the same fears, doubts, sorrows as well as the happiness that as we cadets commonly share. I have always felt that as a school appointment holder that I do my part to the school to educate the younger or inexperienced cadets on anything and everything OCS. Commissioning gives me a sense of anticipation for the thing I dreamt of for months; Being able to lead my own set of men. Though I understand that it may be a great responsibility to undertake for someone of my age, I feel more driven to take up the role of an officer. I looked at going to OCS for my parents, when I was initially in OCS, but I can safely say that I really hope that future generations of children can continue to study and play safely and without fear through the power within me to train soldiers that can protect the nation. Seems noble in to many but to me I feel a duty to serve the nation as best I can while I can.
I look back knowing that I have achieved quite a lot in OCS in more ways than one. I am glad that I took positivity in the things I do everyday in OCS when it was tough to do so. As my cadet to commander transition would ensue, I hope that the things I learn in OCS would not end in vain. As I earn the bar, with mind and body I will transition to the officer that I will always strive to be; the one that leads well, that excels in everything and overcomes the most challenging obstacles.

Being an NSF.

een a while since I dropped by Youtube to catch some vids. I didn't realise how much more there was to watch at youtube. Guess I've been missing out quite some bit. I watched this piece of animation that I feel many guys can either relate to. Funny in a sense. All in good fun.

I seem to be reminded of the times I am an NSF every time I speak with others who are in the same shoes as myself. Its an experience few girls will really understand. Haha.. I must add that being an NSF really gave me a real kick in the head to realise the things we do to protect the country. Its no easy feat.

Only 6 more weeks to the day I will commission. Hope nothing goes wrong. THings are getting more exciting by the minute...

The chocolate bar..

My first entry ever since I came back from Taiwan but I guess I need to say little about how fun Taiwan was. Training was great, RnR was fantastic. Too bad I can't blog out much of the details because it'll cause a great deal of people to get jealous.. Haha.. I'll put up some pictures soon.. I hope..

Coming back from Taiwan, I guess I needed to finish some unfinished business here. Time spent with my friends and things I really felt needed to be ironed out before I get my chocolate bar. Getting the chocolate bar seems to be so near though it is still like 40 days away. Thing is, along the way, distractions get in the way and it is just confusing how life can become sometimes when they become more significant. Sometimes i dunno why my life can be this hard to lead. Sometimes I wish it were more simpler. Why can't the answers be right in front of me? Why do I always find it so difficult? OMG, please help me..

Looking forward to the day I commission fervently. Really looking forward to the time I meet the men I seek to lead. Listening to commissioning songs really sets the tone I guess. I thank the people around me who still choose to be my beloved friends through these 9 months of toil and tribulations in my life. You have been my inspiration to succeed..

Taiwan day 5

What a surprise! I got to use a computer in the middle of nowhere to update my blog again! 5 days of Taiwan passed in a blink of an eye. The sights and sounds of the country side are really breathtaking and the scenery just magnificent. I really wonder how these beautiful mountains form these spectacular sights here. Of course, I had some interesting adventures that came quite as a surprise. Having fun so far... 10 more days to train and 4 more days of RnR and home I come. Damn I miss so many people in sg. Wonder if they are thinking the same. haha.. Alrite!!!Only 10 weeks to commissioning. I'll be looking forward to every moment after that.

A wonderful week!

A turn of events after the horrible week I had last week was a good change indeed. Had fun fooling around with my my platoon mates while preparing to pack for Taiwan. Though it was hell packing the stuff, eventually it became second nature I guess.. haha..

I had fun talking and interacting with the freshies in OCS. They really looked like freshies you'd meet on their first day in school where they really had no idea what to expect until the seniors would step in to guide them along. It was really an eye opener for me I guess. I think the experience made up for my lost chances to be a GL in TPSU camps.. Oh duh.. I still prefer main comm.. Being a commander in future can be fun as well. Expecting the best after I commission in 2 months!

Had a great time yesterday @ Mind Cafe with so many people I haven met up in a long long time. It was almost like a mini TPSU reunion lah.. Iskandar and Khai made fun of me as usual, Weiqi mocking me the whole evening and Yasin so engrossed in the whole board game thingy.. I don't understand why these people hardly change!haha..

The whole plan was a set up to celebrate Kai wei's birthday in advance that day and I guess it went rather well. The cake was nice, the setting was perfect and it seemed as if the birthday girl knew nothing about the surprise at all! Birthday girl damn dumb leh.. Hehe..
Birthday girl pouting her lips! :P
Birthday girl cut cake!

I also had fun with Iskandar taking nonsense pics with some figures.. Guys will be guys.. Haha..
Its about these times with friends that is really enjoyable and memorable I guess. Glad I met up with these people who either changed lives and changed mine. Group photo!
Going to Taiwan with so many expectations for myself. Really hope I can prove myself worthy to lead a band of 27 men after commissioning. I'll miss so many people here in SG. Hope I get the nod though after I come back from Taiwan. Hope I do.. ;)

Just a horrible week.. Sigh

I just didn't know why my week ended up to be a series of unfortunate events. It was really a bummer right from the start of the week. Injury on Monday. Went sleepless on Tuesday. Cock up on Wednesday. Felt like shit on Thursday. Moody on Friday. Shitload of stuff to do on the weekend. The pain I have to go through. I really need to put my goals forward. Its like ever since I came back from overseas. Everything else seemed pretty aimless. I need the break this weekend like I never needed it before. God please save me.

Working hard yet playing hard..

More work just seems to come in the truckloads when I thought it would be more relaxed. I think officer life would only come in such a package in future; workloads in truckloads. Stressed but handling it fine. Had a fun week training outfield though there'll be more to come. I have to admit, I am having fun in camp. It will be a pity I only have 3 months left in OCS. I really should do something about comms ball soon. Stressed.. I think.. :p

Glad I went out with my ex-classmates at Sentosa, though didn't spend much time there. Made a fool of myself in Vivocity. I swear there was at least 30 people in front of me when I took this picture. Had fun being the thick skinned guy!
Life just brings on its roller coaster ride, when I meet challenges and new people come into my life. I realise its just about belief in yourself and focus in your goals that really makes a difference. The "Work hard and play hard" philosophy will be something I'll stick to for a long time to come.
I know I can do the many things in life that is not impossible to achieve. In time I will get the results. In time they will show.

Call me Encik Sahfahri..

The only new thing that happened this week was that I became someone of a bigger appointment in the school. It was kinda a big thing when some of the juniors started calling me "Sir". The new rank seems daunting to wear because of it seemed like expectations increased twofold for me. As the saying goes, "With great power comes great responsibility."
The new rank on the left has an extra "crab" and the 3 roofs on top of the cadet rank and it looks rather shiny as compared to my old one. Though I must honestly say it was quite cool wearing this epaulette to the old one on the right. Encik Sahfahri sounds rather odd though.


My efforts in Brunei, marked by a symbol on my chest, the JCC badge. I will remember for life the way I earned this badge.. forever.


The thought of commissioning as an officer really does bring a lot of anticipation as well as anxiety. Expectations mount as the weeks go by to make sure I mentally prepare my transition as an officer. In about 3 months time, these bars would become 1 black bar and everything would change. At least for now, I can still say I am a cadet.

Guess I'll leave this posting with a hilarious poster my platoon mate came up with. Enjoy!

Photo Frenzy!!

I just got a new camera last Thursday and I've been taking a lot of photos ever since. My new "toy" is so fun to use, I'm just clicking away. At least I know now that I have memories of events for keepsake in future. Getting the hang of the features too. Took some photos during my outing with my ex-poly classmates. I think they came out great!



Went to a Japanese restaurant.. I liked the cup, art piece in itself... I had Chicken Teriyaki don.. OooOOhh.. Marvelous!


Kinda cool to see my poly buddies after coming back from Brunei. We all seem just the same except that we're all serving the country less the girls of course.

Sometimes time really just stands still when we relive our moments in poly. Nostalgia really sets in...






Had a cuppa-joe @ Starbucks with the guys. Really just lazed around taking photos. The cup of Banana Java Chip was too good, I had a to take a photo of it..

Had some Tau Huay at Rochor Rd, to finish off the food feast that day.

After coming back from Brunei, I really learnt to appreciate things much better. Time spent with friends and family becomes much treasured and appreciated. It was tough in Brunei; the comforts of life was taken away from me for 9 long days.

Back in SG!

Finally back in Singapore and I was so glad to see my parents again after the 2 weeks. The 2 weeks were really tormenting, but I'm glad it's over. Time really flies when I'm out in the jungle. It just flies. I must have went through the toughest course in my entire life the past 2 weeks. I think many wouldn't believe I lost 11 kilos in a space of 9 days and my feet ended up in such bad shape I almost could not recognise them after that. Its just crazy those 9 days. Just set me thinking so deep inside that there were no words to describe the experience. I think I'll just leave it as memories for me to keep. The stories would come in handy for my grandchildren. :P Anyway I got the Jungle Confidence Course (JCC) badge and I'm proud of it.

Brunei here I come!

Leaving in about 15 minutes.. JCC here I come.. See you guys in 2 weeks.. Gd bye Singapore!

3 days to JCC..

Packed my bags and ready to go.. 3 days and counting.. I want this badge so bad, I know my team mates want it too. I will do it all for the people I care about.. I know I can do this! 3 more days to Brunei..

Surprised one day.. Nervous the next..

I think I had a very eventful weekend last week.. Really taking a good break from the Army for a while.. Things I never expected to happen actually did..

You know those days where you feel you just wanna head back to school just to meet up some pals in school? i had one of those days on Monday.. Just so happened that I wanted to meet up Xiu Hui and Elene for a small get together like we always do. Spent the time in the lounge idling away though reliving those wonderful memories I had in TPSU there. When it was finally time to go meet up Teck at Tamp Mall, it was already 6.30pm. The steps I took towards the "Mushroom" really just reminded me of alot of stuff.. but I neve expected a surprise guest whom I have always never had the chance to see appear before my very eyes..

From a distance, it looked like an alien.. Dressed in a chic jacket over a white tank top. She had particularly short hair, one that really fit a star performer I guess. Looking straight on.. Guess wad.. It was Kaiwei.. Surprise surprise.. She did look a tad different with the new haircut. I think my first impression of it was some kind of Japanese doll I seen somewhere but never mind.. Quite nice lah! Fortunately, the person never change.. Just as dumb.. Oops! Hehe.. At least got to know that she's still alive.. I think she looks better after she graduated, without the eye bags.. Ooops.. Jk.. I think I too much liao.. KK If you're reading this, next time I'll treat you to a horror movie ya? ;)

Quite nice to see so many familiar people around the place too. Was so glad to make the trip to school I guess. Had a good laugh in the bus regarding some Spiderman spoiler.. Should have seen the look on their faces.. Extremely hilarious..

Just ended today in camp, feeling a bit intimidated by all the preparation for Lancer. I guess all my platoon mates are feeling the same. Excited by the prospect of earning my first real badge in the army, yet nervous cause of the uncertainty of it all. I hope I will grow confident as the days pass.

Anw Saturday's coming.. Ooo.. Yoz, Radon bbq here I come!

Finally Booking out..

I had a memorable time bashing through the jungles of Singapore yesterday; feeling the ferns and thorns in my face.. Yeah right! It must have been the worst feeling to have thorns brushing my face every minute. haha.. Seems like the week ended sooner than I thought.. Well time I book out from camp finally! Good bye OCS for 3 days!

Life's lessons from the field..

Before moving off for Pulau Tekong for the field camp, I was very rather excited about the fact that we had to build structures, carve fork and spoons and create an environment in the field where we would actually have to survive in. It was good to know that there were many technical things that we learnt before the field camp to familiarise ourselves to living in the conditions we were given. The expectations of the instructors were no less demanding than any other fieldcamp and I felt I was ready for the challenge.
Field camp day arrived and the week evolved from a orientation to water obstacle crossing exercise to the application of the survival techniques we have learnt in camp. Generally it was not so much about the technical stuff thatwas enlightening, however it was things about myself that I realised as I carried out my exercises with my group mates.
Throughout the 5 days, I already felt a challenge in terms of my mental capability to carry on in the exercises that requiredalot of mental determination to complete the tasks. I had to over come hunger, pain, stress, and other external factors which really pulled down my own morale. Then I learnt that focus was really all I needed to know that things had to be done.Focus and concentration is really important to control my emotions at any point in time. That was really important especially under thosecircumstances.
Moreover, it was important to realise how important teamwork was to complete tasks on time as well as to do it to the best of our ability in the harshest conditions. When people have differing opinions and capabilities, it is important to appreciate that they still serve an important role for being in the team and nobody should be left out of the equation at any point in time. That case was especially so in the case of Ex. Robinson Crusoe. Cooperation was vital to the team effort to complete the checkpoints. Everyone has to be willing to move together to proceed to our objective.
Motivation was something I learnt that was so evident in Ex. Robinson Crusoe. Firstly, the self motivation had to come from within myself before I could motivate others. I motivated myself knowing that I am doing this for the reason that I had a dutyto defend the nation, armed with the knowledge and capability to protect my family. That bigger reason pushed me like never before.I motivated the others through my actions of pushing on knowing that achieving this difficult feat as a team will bring us closer together. It really has to be intrinsic and it has to be cultivated before I even start to lead a group of 28 men.
I think I have also begun to see myself changing into a much more fulfilled personality who is learning so much more than I everthought I would. I am starting to see things from a perspective that is enlightening yet enjoyable. I learnt alot about myselfin those 5 days; lessons I will never forget.

One Field camp I will never forget..

Spent the last 5 days in Pulau Tekong training. I never thought it could be as memorable as this one. Never have I spent 1 whole night carving a wooden spoon out of a piece of wood, starve myself of breakfast and lunch to eat a dinner of tapioca. The last 2 days can never be as long as any other day I lived, going almost 24 hours without sleep; constantly walking around the island searching for checkpoints. With a load of almost 30 kilos on the back, it was inevitable that I had thoughts of falling out of that mental and physical torture. At least I now can say it was a good achievement finishing off the 5 days in one piece knowing that I learnt alot more about my character and how I have improved over the months. I think I have been enjoying my training recently because of the new friends I have made and I'm glad I did. Its great being here. It's crazy but ya..

Helicopter ride anyone?

Woah! Guess what! I took my very first and maybe the only helicopter ride in my life today! It was exciting knowing that we would be taking a ride in the Helicopter aka Super Puma, yet it was almost mind boggling, knowing that I was actually flying in the helicopter today! It was so cool climbing in as if we were on a mission. It was almost as if I was living a dream I had when I was a small boy. I never really thought that day would come until today. It was kinda emotional though it was only a 5 minute ride. Then again I realised it was something I knew few would ver experience and I was grateful for even that 5 minutes. To think about it, there was a simple lesson I learnt from that. I have to be really grateful to be in OCS or even living as a human being for that matter as I can choose to live the way I want to live my life. Many grow complacent about their lives and choose to let the world control them when they can realise and live the dreams they ever wanted to do. It seems life I lived a part of that childhood dream coincidentally and I hope that there would be more to come.

Cool times ahead..

I think being in platoon 2 has been getting more and more fun as the days go by. It seems like the new cadets from the Charlie are getting along better with the old boys and it seems lie the attitude is getting better everyday. I can tell who is making the effort to make their stay here memorable and walking the path with these people can only make my journey much more enjoyable.

Turnout is coming soon and I can't wait for the big day to happen. Our impact on the junior cadets will really be somewhat significant. Especially since we are the only wing to turn out 5 others. Lesson I learnt. Speak up with confidence to anybody I guess, even if the person is of a higher ranking than you are. It was a good experience. I guess it was cool no one could have such an experience.

Ended the day feeling really tired. Alot of things now that I have to do. Focus on completing each would be a necessity. Focus.. Focus..

Social nite!!

I had a great time during my Wing's social night the day before. I couldn't imagine so many people were dressed to the nines' on that day. It really was a blast of an event to say the least though it may not have been the most fun. I had a great time with my date. I guess she would think so too if I didn't bore her with too much details of my army buddies. I think it was really wrong of me to leave her out of conversations at times. Ok! next time cannot like that.. Must be more gentlemanly.. It was really nice to see her dress up for once too. Got a picture for memory sake from the event. At least I know that I looked like the person in the picture 10 years on. I never thought I could pull off the solo like that. Honestly I always thought I would screw the song up. Guess what, my date thinks its "not too bad" which means.. "its not Singapore Idol so I forgive you".. haha.. I think I fared satisfactory at best. It was a good experience singing up there on stage. Never a forte of mine, but at least I knew I conquered a new fear. Loved the event, loved the crowd and most of all I must say I loved my date.. Bleah!

Eventually, I had mixed feelings about moving on to pro-term, hearing so much about the tough times that I am about to face. I was happy fro finishing service term with good memories and being in one piece. Though, I just felt emotionless at the thought of my platoon splitting becuase it made no difference to me. I seemed more focused on what is ahead of me 6 months later. I think this is what happens when someone really focuses their energy towards a goal. It seems like no obstacle or change can elude myself of my goal. I'll just carry on from here I guess to a new, exciting challenge. Pro-term here I come!

Hmm.. The big 21st is coming but it seems like nothing new. I hope my first year as an adult would be filled with challenges and excitement. That would be all that I wish for..

Finally some peace..Reflecting..

I think today was the only real day where I could just sit down, ponder and reflect upon the feelings and experiences I have gone through for the past 2-3 weeks. It was a difficult past 2 weeks I guess, not having the time to look back at my mistakes. Somehow, just by being on my own I could tell that I was trying to break through the inertia of helping others and volunteering willingly. I was glad to see that I made changes in myself, eventually being happy to volunteer because it helped the platoon as a whole. My attitude towards menial work changed when I realised the importance of my responsibilities. I realised that pride really takes a big portion into the changed attitude that I have for my new responsibilities. It is really about configuring and rewiring my brain that my job is significant and taking the pride to do the job well. I realised that I have become more of a neat freak these days and it is really really scaring me. HAha.. I never really noticed I have changed the untidy side of myself until I took a look back 5 months ago when I was a enlistee. Although I can see all this happening in me, I could tell that many of my friends around me are the same old dudes that came into OCS 3 months ago. I would not say that it was their fault, because they have different goals from mine. It may be a lonely road when it comes to conciously developing myself in OCS, reading books, reflecting and creating challenges for myself. But I know all this effort will not come to waste at all. All this accumulated effort would only help me well into the future in time to come. Positivity in life is something no one else can teach me to do, for I am the only one who can motivate myself. Life as an officer is waiting for me. I cannot wait to embark on my first foray as a military leader. That experience is already visually created in my mind. It will happen, I know it! Pressing on...

Commissioning.. The rehearsal in my mind..

Today I saw the commissioning parade of the senior cadets from Bravo wing and it was a fantastic sight to behold as a junior cadet. It was so much so a rehearsal to me because I know I want to be in that parade very badly. I could already see myself in that parade, feeling the anxiousness and excited feelings of being minutes away from being commissioned as officers. There was a small gut feeling in me telling me how proud my parents would be putting on those 2nd LTA epaulettes on my shoulders. With each step of their march, I could feel my other self being in their place. How I wish that could have been me. Actually, I know it would be my turn sooner than I think. Letting go of my fears of the past will make me move forward as a person and a leader to the men that I will lead in future. Somehow or rather one of the persons standing in the parade will be me. I just know it. I will just keep it as a rehearsal in my mind. Pressing on..

Emotionally tired but still pressing on..

The past week has been a rather difficult week for me in all sense of the word I guess. It has not been as smooth as I thought it out to be. Internally, i just knew that I was suffering quietly in my own world. It was really tiring, just realising for myself the roles, responsibilities and significance in the army. There is really very little to motivate me in the army, knowing that every day we face immense pressure to perform under extreme situations. Take for example when we had to dig throughout the day and night with barely 4 hours of sleep in 2 days. It was just crazy, almost insane. Is it just that my expectations being too high? Or is it just the people around me? It was really emotionally tiring knowing that the time and space I would need just drifts away just because of my responsibilities to the nation. The last thing I need is for me to drift away from friends and loved ones. Honestly, the past week of field camp, going through platoon drills, digging throughout the night and battling stress and the need for sleep has really put me almost beyond my emotional threshold. At least I know now, when I need to keep sane and relaxed under those circumstances. Yup, it has been a difficult week but testament to true leadership, I must continue to learn about my differences with others as well as the weaknesses in myself to really learn my true worth in my life. That dream of commissioning as an officer has not left my mind. I thought the visuals became stronger after attending the rehearsal for the commissioning parade. I could already see myself there, I just know I will be there at all costs.. Press on Saffy, press on..

"HE WHO TREADS SOFTLY GOES FAR" -Anonymous

The Transition; Wing Appmt to Normal Cadet..

I think the past 4 weeks as the CWC has really just flew by. Considering the roller coaster ride I have been through in my life, I must still say there is so much for me to absorb within the course of my stay in OCS. Self-motivation has become a main part of my life ever since I took up the job and the challenges I experienced can never ever be exchanged for anything else in the entire world. It was a fantastic experience to be the CWC leading my wing in the commander's parade as well as proving to the wing finally that I have earned my place to lead them in the wing for the past 4 weeks. The experience was exemplary of a roller coaster ride; full of ups and downs, leaps and bounds and at times roundabouts along the way. My next step would be to guide the new and maintain or help to make better what it is to what can be better. The experience is never too much for me.. Somehow I wish it would not end this fast.. Crazy but true..

My Masterpiece..

just something I wrote up for my Wing Commander in OCS to look at. Entitled my masterpiece, we were told what we would like to have painted in the picture of our future.. Enjoy..

After what the wing commander has mentioned, it did make an impression on me on what I would like to achieve in my life as of the moment. Though I must say I am glad that I already have a wonderful masterpiece being painted as of the moment right now.

My masterpiece would include the achievements I have achieved since the past 20 years of my life, that were significant to me. For example, I would draw a medal to symbolise the significant achievements I have received as a student athlete. I would also have a monument of an ancient library to symbolise the knowledge I would be able to gain in my lifetime. I aim to receive knowledge for as long as I live, be it in the physical domain or the spiritual. Knowledge to me is a significant factor to my life as I choose to apply the knowledge I read from books each and every day.

Materialistic possessions aside, I would love to have a baby drawn in my masterpiece for I believe that being a father can be the greatest joy a human being can ever have in his entire lifetime. On another perspective, being a father can prove to be an alternative way for myself to work on my leadership considering that the father plays an important role in influencing the child's mind.

I would also love to have to see in my masterpiece a portrait of my family and myself in a graduation robe; my parents etching on the widest smile they can ever have on their faces. I owe my life to my parents and they play a big role in my life. I have considered them my role models and mentors whom I look up to for inspiration. Earning a degree and getting the point of obtaining a University education means so much not only to them but to my Malay-Muslim society as well. I can only believe that my success can inspire others to do the same.

I would also see in my masterpiece a portrait of a person who has achieved and triumphed over his many obstacles in life to become a respectable father, friend and leader to his society. That portrait of a person is me and I am willing to put in the effort and persevere to put a more matured self into that masterpiece.

Slowly but surely, I believe this masterpiece will be drawn. The one hardest to draw being the portrait of myself in the future. Time will pass and the seasons will change. I believe the masterpiece has already and it is being painted stroke by stroke.

Immediate action to conflict management..

I have to do certain things to quickly remedy the situation. And I have to do it today. It may seem insignificant but it could prove to be elusive once it reaches a particular point in time. I have to agree that I have an ego, but it does not mean that I have to right all the time. I think the greatest part of being an exceptional leader is that part when conflicts can be managed diigently. Many choose to move away from conflicts for the part that they do not see the purpose of pursuing a solution to the problem. On hind sight, handling conflicts creates environments where someone willing to learn can deal with them effectively in future. The leader's ability to humble himself can truely be an asset to him. I will make it an asset to myself. The lifelong plan has only just begun. I cannot wait to see the results of my efforts in future. I believe the results will show, it is only a matter of time. I believe. Press on Saffy, press on.

Cadet Wing Commander.. Is it really worth it?

Being a cadet wing commander can really make me pull the hair off my head at times. It can be really frustrating. Getting humiliated in front of the wing to the point that it really gets too much. I had to say something to wing, I knew it had to be today.

At the training shed, everything seemed to look fine. As composed as I could, I revealed all the frustrations, facts and figures that the wing had to hear about their performance from the past few weeks.It was really difficult for me to say so many things, especially when I had to speak to a bunch of people who have become more than friends to me. Getting my points across was not too difficult, but holding my emotions inside was not easy. Somehow tears welled up in my eyes for I knew that I was reprimanding people; something I really hated to do. I came to a realisation that it was all too much of a cliche, too much of the same thing that I went through before and I do not want to lose any of these people as my friends anymore. That to me can be the most depressing thing that can happen to me; losing friends.

Getting to earn respect from a bunch of people can be really difficult but it is ever impossible. It is something any human being can do to create change as a leader. I have never let go of the opportunity to lead, so be it difficult or not. Because it is the tough times people go through that human beings learn and grow. Giving myself this chance really set my plans straight on my path of personal growth and I will never give up this plan of mine. Being the cadet wing commander can only be described as a chance in a lifetime I will never ever forget.

Great Day!

The past week was an eventful one considering that there were so many opportunities for me to learn so many things. The journey has just gone into its 8th week, but it seems like time is passing so fast it is moving into its 38th. I have to admit, I have been humbled on many occasions to learn beyond my capabilities by people I respect. "Great day" is coming soon and I'll keep that in mind. I would never have another chance to do 1000 sit ups in my life man. I'll keep this blog short to make sure I rmbr to keep my speeches to my wing mates as short and as brief as possible. Keep things up man.. You can do it.. Press on Saffy Press on..

A new beginning.. Leading the wing

I think the week ended very well considering the fact that I did not sustain any major injuries after field camp. And guess what, I just took on the role as Cadet Wing Commander on Thursday to serve another 4 weeks being an appointment holder. Haha.. When is it going to stop at all.. Hmm, It really can be a once in a lifetime experience for me and I think I am doing it rather well already other than the small hiccups along the way. It is true how much more important human relations is when it comes to leading. Especially in an environment where you see more leaders than followers. I have been observing the way the previous Cadet Wing Commander has been carrying out his role. True I did criticise him, but then I realise now that being in his position, I must do more than what he did to earn the trust from the wing and build its camaraderie. Every step of the way, I really conciously observe my own actions as to how I lead these people. To always know your role in the wing, to always know what you have to do to keep the wing running. I think it will be a fun ride, since the appointment will test my limits on where I am on the leadership scale. One thing I promise to myself is that I will never let them down, I will not overpromise and under deliver to the wing. I know that I am the best CWC that will ever lead Hotel Wing. Tough times don't last, Tough men do!

Moments..

The past week has been a daunting one. One that kept me asking one hundred and one questions what my life became after I took on the role as a protector of the nationsince October last year. I think now I realise how much officers are supposed to take on huge roles and responsibilities. It is too much sometimes when they expect so much from us but then I realise my limitations and weaknesses when it those moments giving up kept knocking. Moments when your body almost shuts down on you but you are still pressing on with your mind. Moments when the weight of equipment on your shoulders take a back seat when you have to push on people weaker than you. Moments when you ask yourself why you are sacrificing your time and risking your life for something that has made you be thrown to a corner to fend for yourself. It is scary to conciously realise your reactions to people you do not like, instructors who treat you worse than dogs and people who just do not appreciate your work. But all the reactions comes as a choice and I will remember that a split second of that thought in my mind making that choice can make or break my life. Disciplined thought really create disciplined habits and disciplined habits really make an officer. I brought away alot of learning points in my previous week in OCS. I hope to see more. Good or bad I'll make the best of it. Press on Saffy, press on..

What do I do now?

Sometimes life just gets tougher even before you can expect it. Having the time away from home and not enjoying the army just gets really crazy to think about it. The past week was one of the toughest I have ever experienced. With or without an appointment, I think it is tough as it is. I hope my Mum can understand. She has been worrying ever since I was enlisted in the army for these past few months. I thk the both of my parents keep thinking about my safety and they never really thought I grew up. I really want to pass out as an officer for them as well as for myself. I hope things will go smoothly soon. All these obstacles will pass by. I just know it. The good things will come soon enough. God give me the strength. Press on Saffy, press on..